Tonight I tried to buy tickets to a show. Some bloke called Jeremy Clarkson and a few of his mates are coming back for a fourth time to Johannesburg, and it’s the last chance we’ll get to see them for the foreseeable future.

I tried seven times to buy those tickets. SEVEN TIMES. If Verified By Visa wasn’t timing out, Computicket was complaining because I wasn’t logged in. I’ve decided I hate Computicket too. Why do you need my date of birth and cell phone number? WHY? You’ve managed for more than ten years without it!

So after registering on Computicket and trying to type in my Verified By Visa password, I was blocked because the password wasn’t correct. Bullshit.

So I phoned the number on the screen. The computer on the other side told me I called outside of “business hours”, so I must phone back tomorrow. I got some satisfaction out of the fact that it said my call was recorded for quality purposes, so I swore at the computer for good measure.

Then I phoned the number on Computicket’s website, and they also told me I must call during business hours. They told me slowly, so that it would hurt more*.

So tell me, Computicket, you bunch of fucktards, why if it’s outside of business hours, your website was still trying to sell me tickets to a show?

[Side note: In 1997, which was in the last millennium, never mind the last decade, I worked for a 24-hour helpdesk, because we had clients who expected it. Open a twenty-four hour helpdesk, Computicket!]

On the fifth attempt, I clicked on a link on the Verified by Visa page which asked if I was a new user, or had forgotten my password. I right-clicked to open in a new tab, and had to start over because it terminated the transaction.

Sixth attempt, I clicked the same link. It told me to fill in stuff I knew, and sent me a code via SMS, which I filled in, and also chose a “new” password. You know, the one I always use for secure credit card transactions on Verified by Visa partner sites.

I got a “(null)” response back. Was I billed? I haven’t got a clue. I’ll find out tomorrow.

On the seventh attempt, I hoped for the best that the password change went through, so I resubmitted my details on Computicket’s side, clicked Continue, and lo-and-behold, it went through.

So here’s one final up yours to Visa. And Computicket for good measure.

* Computicket’s number is charged at R2.85 per minute, and free minutes do not apply. Remember, in South Africa, a minute is only 30 seconds long in the world of cell phones. That’s R5.70 per minute. Criminals.

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