(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

  • Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.
  • Plato: For the greater good.
  • Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
  • Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
  • Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
  • Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • Ronald Reagan: What’s a chicken?
  • Admiral James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
  • Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
  • Arthur Andersen Consultant: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
  • Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
  • Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
  • Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
  • Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
  • Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
  • Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”.
  • Oliver Stone: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
  • Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
  • Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
  • Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road … it transcended it.
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
  • Grandpa Simpson: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
  • COSATU: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking, South African.
  • Ray McCauley: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it – the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
  • Dr Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
  • Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
  • Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
  • Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by “chicken”? Could you define “chicken” please?
  • George W. Bush: I don’t think I should have to answer that question.
  • Hansie Cronje: Satan made him do it.
  • Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.
  • Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
  • Ali Bacher: Mr Gauntlett, I had no idea that anyone had offered this chicken money on the 6:1 chance that he would cross that road and survive. Quite frankly, when the chicken called me at 3:00 in the morning to confess, I felt betrayed. My good friend – and sponsor – Mr Sellschop informs me that he sat next to that chicken, dressed up as Salim Malik on an airflight from Mumbai, and the chicken reliably informed him that the entire sport of road-crossing in the subcontinent was being fixed. Later, Mr R. confirmed that he had fixed that chicken….