Windows 8 Recall

(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of the latest Windows 8 preview may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads Winders Ate with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labelled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Network is called Good Ol’ Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
Thumb Drives are them little ole plastic disk thangs.

And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Other features:

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = naaaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff ‘at does stuff
documents = stuff I done

also note that winders ate does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders Ate:

tiperiter = a word processor
colering book = a graphics program
addin mershene = calculator
scratch paper = notepad
jupe-box = CD player
inner-net = microsoft internet explorer
pichers = a graphics viewer
IRS = M/S accounting software
IRS2 = M/S accounting sofware with hidden files
fishin = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
NRA = National Rifle Association
shot gun = Remington arms price list
riffel = Winchester price list
pisstel = Smith and Wesson price list
truck = Ford and Chevrolet dealers in Kentucky by zip code
house = nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
car = same as truck
cuzzins = family history (usuall a 3 meg file)
tax records = usually an empty file
shells = ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
bud = list of Budweiser sellers by zip code
racin = NASCAR racing schedule includes a list of tv stations that carry the races
car n truck parts = nearest junk yard by zip code
doc = vetrinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the West Virginia edition. You may return it to Micrsosoft for a replacement version.