Welcome to my updated Quotations page. The first 30-odd quotes were taken from a game called Shadow President, followed by a selection from various email submissions that I have received. I trust that you will enjoy and appreciate them.

“Let the world go forth from this time and place, to friends and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generations of Americans.” (John F. Kennedy)

“We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone, but for all mankind.” (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

“Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen … ” (Dwight D. Eisenhower)

“The buck stops here.” (Harry S. Truman)

“We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” (Thomas Paine, cited by Ronald Reagan)

“Being a president is like riding a tiger … keep on riding or be swallowed.” (Harry S. Truman)

“A president is either constantly on top of events or … events will soon be on top of him.” (Harry S. Truman)

“Always, always — never talk about what you’re going to do, and don’t tell them what you’re not going to do.” (Richard Nixon)

“… there are only two powers in the world, the sword and the spirit. In the long run the sword will always be conquered by the spirit.” (Napoleon)

“… ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” (John F. Kennedy)

“Don’t fight a battle if you don’t gain anything by winning.” (General George S. Patton, Jr)

“It’s necessary not to fear the prospect of failure but to be determined not to fail.” (Jimmy Carter)

“Let us diligently apply the means, never doubting that a just God, in His own good time, will give us the rightful result.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“Don’t open up a can of worms without knowing how to get the worms back inside.” (Mortimer B. Zuckerman)

“Don’t fight forces. Use them.” (R. Buckminster Fuller)

“As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“Doing what’s right isn’t the problem. It’s knowing what’s right.” (Lyndon B. Johnson)

“I not only use all the brains I have, but all I can borrow.” (Woodrow Wilson)

“You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.” (Dwight D. Eisenhower)

“It’s no use saying ‘We are doing our best’. You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.” (Winston Churchill)

“The foreign policy of a great and self-respecting nation should be conducted on exactly the same plane of honour … as when a brave and honourable man is dealing with his fellows.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

“We need a revolution of the mind.” (Gorbachev)

“Goodness by itself is not enough: there must also be a capacity for being active in doing good.” (Aristotle)

“Now when I bore people at a party, they think it’s their fault.” (Henry Kissinger)

“A stable peace testifies to a combination of physical and moral restraints.” (Henry Kissinger)

“Do your homework. You can’t lead without knowing what you’re talking about.” (George H. W. Bush)

“He who has great power should use it lightly.” (Seneca)

“Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.” (Martin Luther King, Jr)

“Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon … It is a sword that heals.” (Martin Luther King, Jr)

“We must be idealists and realists, setting a goal, and then adapting our successful, workable trans-Atlantic architecture to meet it.” (James A. Baker III)

More Quotes

(On going to war over religion:) “You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.” (Rich Jeni)

“I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know.” (Franck Dubosc)

“I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.” (Gary Valentine)

(On the difference between men and women:) “On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.” (Jeff Green)

“And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers. so people don’t blame everything on Satan.'” (John Wing)

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.'” (Francois Morency)

“The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got millions of pals out there. Type in ‘Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire’ and the computer will say, ‘Specify type of goat.'” (Rich Jeni)

“Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.” (Tim Steeves)

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” (Jimmy Shubert)

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane : Either you have diarrhoea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” (Rich Jeni)

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.” (Emo Philips)

“What’s with squeegee kids? I mean, they don’t really wash the windshield, do they? They simply redistribute the dirt.” (Ken Scott)

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets (oral sex) no matter how bad it is.” (Lenny Clarke)

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” (Emo Philips)

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'” (Emo Philips)

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” (Rich Jeni)

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” (Ren Hicks)

“Things you’ll never hear a woman say : ‘My, what an attractive scrotum!'” (Jeff Green)

“I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” (Emo Philips)

“My parents saw the president they loved get shot in the head.” I saw my president get head.” (Elon Gold)

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” (Kevin James)

“Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.” (Emo Philips)

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” (Rich Jeni)

“Praise is like cigarette smoke. It won’t hurt you if you don’t inhale.” (Adlai Stevenson)

“The history of a nation is the history of its villages written large.” (Woodrow Wilson)

“Always remember children, honor above all.” (Ina M. Leary, sixth grade teacher)