Why Steve Hofmeyr is cooler than Chuck (or the Hoff)

I apologise in advance for these:

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Steve Hofmeyr once sakkied with 10 boere poppies at once.

Steve Hofmeyr braais with his fingers.

Steve Hofmeyr doesn’t support the Bulls, the Bulls support Steve Hofmeyr.

Steve Hofmeyr doesn’t have a good voice, the microphone is scared of the Hofmeyr and makes his voice perfect.

Steve Hofmeyr stares at raw meat and it turns to biltong.

Bles Bridges didn’t die in a car crash. Steve Hofmeyr beat him to death with a red rose.

Morkels gives Steve Hofmeyr any guarantee he wants.

Steve Hofmeyr repossessed Bob Mugabe’s Farms.

Not even Chuck Norris gets as many fathers day cards as Steve Hofmeyr.

Steve Hofmeyr sent Mandela to jail, he also freed him.

The “National Party” is actually a term to describe Steve Hofmeyr’s birthday celebrations.

Steve Hofmeyr cannot count. He doesn’t need to.

Klipdrift is actually Steve Hofmeyr’s urine, which is why one gets pissed upon consuming it.

Steve Hofmeyr once looked at a loaf of bread, which pissed itself in terror and turned into a Koeksister.

Steve Hofmeyr is the only man alive to turn down Patricia Lewis.

Steve Hofmeyr can get through on MTN.

Steve Hofmeyr actually kicked the drop goal in the 1995 World Cup.

When Steve Hofmeyr goes to Pick ‘n Pay, he just picks.