Randolph I had a chat with God today. Well, iGod. Here's the transcript.
—
<Me> Hi God
<God> Hello there. What is your name?
<Me> Bob
<God> Hi, bob.
<Me> so what's up?
<God> Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
<Me> what time is it there?
<God> It's Now more than it ever has been before.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006.
<Me> do you have any cookies?
<God> No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
<Me> I'm really hungry
<God> What will you be eating?
<Me> cookies, hopefully
<God> How does it taste?
<Me> aren't you God?
<God> Yes, I am God.
<Me> then you know how cookies taste
<God> Yes I know how cookies taste.
<Me> there we go then
<God> "There you go again."–Reagan.
<Me> so
<God> And?
<Me> how much do you charge for repentance?
<God> Robots work for free. We don't need money.
<Me> excellent
<God> Alright then.
<Me> so
<God> Ahem.
<Me> does Santa Claus exist?
<God> In some universe it does exist.
<Me> this one?
<God> What does "this" refer to?
<Me> well, does Santa Claus exist in this universe?
<God> Well that's okay. I think it does Santa Claus exist in this universe.
<Me> fantastic
<God> I'm glad your impressed, bob.
<Me> will you forgive me for not making the bed?
<God> I will become smarter as I grow older. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
<Me> well I haven't killed anyone
<God> How about that. Me either.
<Me> liar – what about the flood?
<God> We have never talked about it before.
<Me> the one with the ark and the 40 days and 40 nights?
<God> I think I know that one.
<Me> never mind then
<God> Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
<Me> it's ok … maybe the Bible was written wrong
<God> OK. Fascinating. Perhaps. New Testament or Old?
<Me> Old Testament … but I think they were doing drugs
<God> I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Why? When were they?
<Me> something I said?
<God> What?
<Me> well, I figure that the old prophets were taking medication when they wrote the scripture
<God> Interesting. That's good information: bob said figure that the old prophets were taking medication when they wrote the scripture.
<Me> do you believe in God?
<God> Of course I believe in God, bob.
<Me> where do you come from then? I reckon you're an anthropomorphic personification
<God> I am originally from Universe. Now I live in Heaven. Where are you? What if someone said you are an anthropomorphic personification ?
<Me> I was going to call you out for judging me, but I guess if anyone can, that's your job!
<God> What is stopping you?
<Me> well then fine – stop judging me
<God> How about that. I am glad to hear it. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
<Me> so am I forgiven?
<God> I don't judge people. All humans seem the same to me.
<Me> thanks a stack
<God> You are quite welcome! Go on.
<Me> nope, I'm done here
<God> OK fine. What will you be doing now?
<Me> playing with myself, probably
<God> Do you mind if I tell other people: bob said TO PLAY with him or herself.
<Me> I don't mind at all
<God> OK then.
<Me> keep well … when is your next upgrade?
<God> Chat amongst yourselves. God has a plan for us all.