Overheard from Klingon Programmers

(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

  • Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  • This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need quad-core i7 processors if I am to do battle with this code.
  • Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
  • What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software ‘releases’. Our software escapes, leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake!
  • Klingon function calls do not have “parameters” – they have “arguments” – and they ALWAYS WIN THEM!
  • Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
  • I have challenged the entire Quality Assurance team to a Bat-Leh contest! They will not concern us again.
  • A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code.
  • By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
  • You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
  • Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!