You Are a Child of the Eighties If …

(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)

  • You know the profound meaning of Wax on, Wax off.
  • You know that another name for a keyboard is a Synthesizer.
  • You can name at least half of the members of the elite Brat Pack.
  • You wanted to be a Goonie.
  • You felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for sex with minors and videotaping it, because you liked him.
  • You know who Max Headroom is.
  • You wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
  • You could breakdance, or wished you could.
  • You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
  • You Believed that By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power.
  • Partying like its 1999 seemed SO far away.
  • You remember what skin jeans were (and why everyone shouldn’t have worn a pair!)
  • You owned a pair of Nomads.
  • You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
  • You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
  • You thought his red leather jacket was cool.
  • You used to wear one woollen glove to school too.
  • You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth, or knew someone who did.
  • You hold a special place in your heart for Back to the Future.
  • You remember David Hasselhoff when he wore clothes and talked to his car.
  • You know where to go if you wanna go where everybody knows your name.
  • You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
  • You actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
  • When you had fights with your siblings you’d say “Don’t make me angry!” then pretend to turn your eyes green.
  • You have heard of Garbage Pail Kids.
  • You knew The Artist when he was humbly called Prince.
  • You actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played Sam to be.
  • You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
  • You own any Tiffany cassettes.
  • You own any cassettes.
  • And ping-pong was tops until Donkey-Kong came along, which you thought would never be surpassed.
  • You remember dancing to popsters like Debbie Gibson.
  • You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the moon.
  • You remember and/or own any of the CareBear Glass collection from Pizza Hut or any other stupid collection they came out with.
  • Poltergeist freaked you out.
  • You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.
  • You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
  • You wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
  • You ever had a Swatch Watch.
  • You had a crush on one of the Coreys (Haim or Feldman), or knew someone who did.
  • You had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
  • You used to laugh at a hairy sock called Alf.
  • You remember that spiky flat-tops were the rave after Top Gun.
  • You know what a Whammee is.
  • You used to boast about how they would achieve those motorcycle formation shots in CHiPs.
  • You used to get into the family car by sliding through the open window of the closed car door.
  • You saw Ghostbusters 7 times.
  • You ran around the playground saying: “We came, we saw, we kicked ass!”
  • You knew all the opening monologues to: The A-team, StreetHawk and AutoMan.
  • Kajagoogoo? Thompson Twins? FGTW? Naked Eyes? Jessie’s girl? Twisted Sister?

If you can identify with at least half of this list then you, my friend, are a Child of the 80s.