(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)
  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they aren’t looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: ‘Code 3 in Housewares… and see what happens.
  5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on credit.
  6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers You are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
  9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
  10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk If he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the Theme from Mission Impossible.
  12. Hide in a clothing rack .. . . and when people browse through, say: “PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!”
  13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor And assume the fetal position and scream “NO!…It’s those voices again!!!”And last but not least:
  14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while… then Yell loudly: “There’s no toilet paper in here!”