(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)
  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the toilet.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official tone, “Code 3 in Housewares”, and see what happens.
  5. Go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on credit.
  6. Move a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over, and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
  9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
  10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Department, ask the clerk if they know where the anti-depressants are located.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
  12. Hide in a clothing rack, and when people browse through, shout, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
  13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor, assume the fetal position, and scream “NO! It’s those voices again!”
  14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while, then yell loudly, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”