Mildred Biscuit, Cookie to her friends, was a fan of CHiPs. On Thursdays she would go shopping with Amy, but instead of buttered scones, her preference was for huge bran muffins. I mean … Can you literally even? How does she exist? Who eats bran muffins on purpose?

Last Thursday, Mildred was at her local cooperative, and noticed that they were fresh out of bran muffins. She had a conniption, which she washed down with a swig of orange soda. She was positively frothing at the mouth.

It turned out that Mildred Biscuit was quite mad. Fortunately, the nice warden came and found her in the corner of the store, nodding quietly and drooling a bit down her wooly jumper.

After a time, and a treatment of nice medicine administered through injection, she went to sleep and dreamed of chasing rabbits.

Rabbit stew is delicious, but only with vegetables.