The “Tom Cruise” Issue

The NRO hereby repudiates Tom Cruise’s status as mostly-carbon. It is my moral duty as Smiter of Iniquity to renounce him in the name of good taste, and anyone found venerating him will be forced to put on a miniskirt, listen to the audiobook version of “The Da Vinci Code” in Swahili, and take a shower with Jacob Zuma.