Official viewpoint of Smiters of Iniquity on other religious conflicts: get over yourselves. Life is too short. You have no right to force your beliefs onto other people. You’re probably overcompensating for a) hypermasculinity (most religious wars are started and fought by men), or b) low self-esteem.

In terms of a), it’s not the size, but how you use it. Cock lovers will both tell you that bigger isn’t necessarily better. Alternatively, see your doctor.

As far as b) is concerned, you can improve your self-esteem by following my 3-week programme: install a mirror in every room of your house, and every time you walk past one, look at yourself in the eye and say “hello gorgeous” (or “hello beautiful”) without blushing.

Once you love yourself, you won’t feel the need to make other people miserable. Plus you’ll be more vain, which will increase the need to purchase vanity items, most of which are made from plastic, and I need not remind you that plastic is mostly carbon. Any Smiter of Iniquity will tell you that anything mostly-carbon is good enough to pray to.

Enough said.

2 Replies to “Thoughts on other religious conflicts”

  1. I hear Garnier is very good this time of year for vanity and gerenal improvements to skin tone – Although the jury is still out on L'Oreal

  2. I prefer L'Oreal – because I know I am worth it – The Smiter told me so in a vivid escape of bustling sound and primordial colour just last night! (or was that Sunday morning?)

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