If you’re looking for a service that ignores you when your life is in danger on the road because “that’s not our department”, then the SAPS is for you.

If you’re looking for a service that has drivers who consider you “collateral damage” and try to drive over you because they’re in the wrong lane on the road, then the SAPS is for you.

First instance, a minibus taxi tried to squeeze between a bakkie driving in the left lane, and me driving in an 230E Mercedes-Benz in the middle lane. He hooted, he cajoled, he pushed, but we (the bakkie driver and I) simply drove closer together and dropped our speed. Two cars up were cops in convoy, and through open window at the next traffic light, I asked them to consider the taxi driver who was trying to kill me. Their response is noted in my opening paragraph. I closed my passenger window in disgust.

Second instance, I was about to turn into my office’s parking. I was in the middle lane, about to move into the right lane. There was an intersection about 50m ahead. A black Mercedes-Benz with a blue light on top tried to push me off the road because the driver realised he was in the wrong lane. Instead of apologising when he saw me (he obviously forgot to check his blind spot), he simply turned on his blue light (no indicator yet to indicate his intentions) and tried to drive over me. My passenger window was now closed, but it didn’t stop me shouting “f*ck you” at him. He then waited for me to pass before trying to drive over the smaller car behind me.

The registration number of the big black Mercedes was “GP GP”. If you know who this is, tell him from me his driver is an attempted murderer. This is not libel. I will defend my actions in court if I have to.