Randolph The NRO supports the slaughter of cows, sheep, pig and most other animals for the sake of human consumption. We like our meat, darn it! We however do not approve of human sacrifice, and strongly condemn any violence towards other humans, including rape and murder.
This is just to set the record straight for PETA, those hypocrites who murder "excess" animals while preaching about the wearing of fur. The only reason I can't wear a mink coat is the look of those rats' faces staring at me from my shoulders.
Fur is in! It's cold, darn it!
So we aren't allowed to sacrifice tom cruise (I never used uppercase as he does not warrent the respect)?
Only reason we can't sacrifice him is he's smooth. Not enough hair.
And now, I present to you a Daily Reading for Spiritual Enligtenment.
1:1 In the beginning was the word, and the word was "'sup, bitch? tom cruise sucks."
1:2 Verily I say unto thee, fur is good, especially if said fur pisses off PETA or any other hypocritical animal rights group.
1:3 Behold, I make a record of the beliefs close to our hearts, the members of the NRO, after exchanging great and numberous e-mai… uh, espistles with Randolph, honourary Author and Proprieter and Smither of Inquity of the NRO.
1:4 For Randolph so loved the world, that he gave it a new religion, so that all that believe in it shall not be overcome with boredom, but waste away valuable office hours smirking at our stupidity when they should be working.
1:5 All be warned; whosoever adds to these words, especially anything contradictory and downright absurd, shall be praised.
1:6 And it came to pass, as men flocked to this blog to view new posts, that I, Delano, realised it was time to go.
1:7 Therefore I make an end to my record and resume my daily routine, my heart and soul filled with the knowledge and wisdom and sarcasm of our founder. Amen.
All Hail the Smiters of Iniquity, although that typo of Delano's ("Smithers of Iniquity") implies that we manufacture it instead of smiting it.
Paws for thought.
Did anyone hear about that bear that escaped and killed its neighbour? Now that's what I call smiting!
Oops. Damn typos. Now we can't say it was divinely-inspired!
Yes we can. The universe is mostly-carbon, as are we. Therefore, all errors are simply lessons from the divine. Therefore, divinely inspired typos are a lesson to all sub-editors.
Or something.
Indeed. Besides, we could always argue it's not about the typos, but about the message. Or, we could argue that's up for interpretation. Or, we could say translations got lost from l33t to English. Or something.
Fur is definitely in!
The fluffier the better I always say! (Sounds a bit like my failed career path) On to bigger brighter things though…
Praise the Smiter!
(and embrace the veluptious nature of my opulent fashion inspirations!)
Fur is the new black!